The Unwoken Newsletter

The Unwoken Newsletter

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January 2024

Bank Goes "Women-Only" To Save 16% On Wages
In a move that upset 70% of the workforce, WhiteStone Financial has announced a women-only workforce policy, utilising the gender pay gap to their…
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Daniel Ross
Feminists Let The Boys Fight World War 3
Looking for a university laptop?
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Daniel Ross
Nigerian Prince Leaves Estate To Aussie Pensioner
Lagos, Nigeria - The family of tribal prince Mansa Zabu have gathered to read his Last Will and Testament, only to discover an Aussie pensioner will…
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Daniel Ross

December 2023

Katter Declares Sovereign State To Tackle Youth Crime
Innisfail, Queensland - Fed up with Queensland’s approach to youth crime, Bob Katter has used the Christmas break to secede his electorate to found The…
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Daniel Ross
Man Sues Employer Who "Destroyed His Soul" At Work
Chippendale, NSW - In a landmark case for Australian employment law, a man has won a $100 million settlement claiming his employer “destroyed his soul.”
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Daniel Ross
Vegan Bodybuilder Makes $500k Selling Fungus Leather
Los Angeles, USA - Vegan bodybuilder and Twitch streamer SoyTroy has sold $500,000 of “fungus leather” shoes, earning himself a nice cash bonus.
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Daniel Ross
Climate Activist Stops Breathing To Reduce CO2 Emissions
ANNOUNCEMENT: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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Daniel Ross
Hamas Praises Western Intellectuals At Office Christmas Party
Undisclosed Location - Hamas leaders have paid tribute to Western academics at their Office Christmas Party, hosted in a dining hall with cement walls.
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Daniel Ross
Australian Communists Will Spare Bourgeoisie If They Make iPhones
Sydney, Australia - In a surprising decision, the Australian Communist Party has voted 30-1 in favour of sparing some bourgeoisie post-revolution…
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Daniel Ross
Disney Replaces CEO With A Mouse To Promote Diversity
⚠️ The following is a work of satire ⚠️
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Daniel Ross
Jordan Petersen Tells Gunman To "Aim For A Meaningful Life!"
Toronto, Canada - Toronto Police arrested a man attempting to rob a bank this morning, but claims he had a change of heart in the process.
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Daniel Ross
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