Bank Goes "Women-Only" To Save 16% On Wages
In a move that upset 70% of the workforce, WhiteStone Financial has announced a women-only workforce policy, utilising the gender pay gap to their advantage.
The announcement was made by CEO Marcia Bradley in the first company-wide meeting of 2024.
“At WhiteStone, we're at the forefront of financial and social engineering,” Marcia announced with great pride, “And these challenging times are no exception.”
“Therefore, in order to protect our cashflow moving forward, we have decided ALL employees will be women by 2025.”
“This will cut labour costs by 16%. What a bargain!”
The physical and virtual Zoom crowd responded with obligatory claps and cheers, including men who were confused and deeply uncomfortable.
“Wait, does that mean we're fired?” asked one male graduate after the meeting.
“I don’t know,” responded another, “Maybe if we become trans-women and take a pay cut, they’ll keep us?”
Others male graduates quit on the spot to chase Tiktok fame.
Thanks to Imogen Nairy for being onsite for this report.
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Disclaimer: This article is satire, for now!