Australian Communists Will Spare Bourgeoisie If They Make iPhones
Sydney, Australia - In a surprising decision, the Australian Communist Party has voted 30-1 in favour of sparing some bourgeoisie post-revolution, provided they have experience designing, assembling or fixing iPhones.
The vote was held at their midnight national convention in Sydney, located around an illegal camp fire on Bondi Beach.
“It was a mad hard choice”, remarked 19 year old Dahlia Myers, senior party member and social media influencer, “But, like, iPhones own the story”.
“We're so done with the whole capitalist and bourgeoisie scene but, like, we need their production to make communism drip.”
Our reporter looked down at his Gen Z translator app, which gave the following result:
“It was a tough choice, but we need iPhones to control the public narrative. We despise the capitalists and the bourgeoisie, but need their means of production for communism to work.”
This sentiment was echoed among the group, who were all a similar age and profession.
However not all were content with the results of the vote.
Jacqueline Greer, 59 years old and the oldest member by 35 years, told our reporter why she decided to vote against the proposal.
“It’s utter nonsense! The kids just love the Tiktoks and they’re too scared to admit it!”
“Back in my day, you had to SACRIFICE for what you believed in and WORK HARD to achieve your goals!”
When our reporter commented that she sounded a bit like Alan Jones, he reflexively ducked as she returned with an open palmed slap.
“How dare you! GET HIIIIIIIIMMMMMM!!!”
Realising the situation had deteriorated, our reporter retreated, bolting through the sand to his rusty Mitsubishi Magna.
He was last seen being chased by 31 angry communists on e-scooters, leaving a trail of vape smoke behind them.
Disclaimer
This article is satire.
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